(click to enlarge)
Hello!
alisa holland here, from +my concrete sky.
first things first,
this post would not be shabby blogs worthy without a download now would it?! so without further adieu, a FREEBIE DOWNLOAD
from me to you. (click on the above, top, picture to enlarge and save to your computer or download here.)
next,
A DISCLAIMER.
this is a bit of an untraditional post (and by untraditional, i mean perhaps the loooongest one you will ever lay your eyes on!), broken up into two sections, with the same message!
1) a story, some life lessons learned, and a challenge for all of us
2) a curated collage of sort comprised of visual representation with pretty pictures and quotes
this post ended up being muuuuuch longer than i had anticipated and probably many more words than my bff, megan (aka ms. shabbilicious herself) had in mind when she asked me to guest post whilst being whisked away to europe by her sweetheart (you're seeing all of her out-of-this-world photography on instagram right? that megan, has got such an eye for everyday beauty!) but she does know by now that when you ask this writer to write, you just gotta take whatever comes out! what usually comes out is whatever is prevalent on my mind. the following is no exception (however, i did try to cut stuff out but then the remaining stuff didn't make sense without it! oh bother!)
my hope is that perhaps by sharing some of these things, someone else out there might have a moment of recognition, illumination, and insight to know that we all go through many different kinds of hard times, that we are not alone, and that we all have the strength to get through them, face more, and become champions of this mortal experience all whilst cheering each other on along the way.
so peruse either section or peruse both, either way, if you dare read on, thanks for joining me on the journey, and hope you find something that sparks your soul!
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STORY TIME: a meltdown
photo by pepography, text added by me
(click to enlarge)
a week or so ago i was driving around town doing errand after errand so i could cross some stuff of my neverending to-do list. i probably should not have been driving, because i was kinda zoned out. see, i was being completely bombarded and overwhelmed by what i call "funny feelings about myself" or a serious "loser attack" (ok, so i hyperbolize my inability to drive in that moment for emphasis...please know i was completely coherent and safe while driving;).
allow me to explain...
...i was literally having the worse anxiety attack! i was feeling completely inadequate and incapable of fulfilling the assignments for some amazing opportunities i've been given. i was feeling like i was the wrong person for the job with nothing to offer. 'so and so could've done so much better and so and so did this and this and this last year and i don't know how to do that! Etc etc'
...i was feeling like the biggest loser (and not for weight loss) and outsider in the neighborhood. i always see these moms getting together for play dates...why don't they ever invite me and my babies? oh and a bunch of them are getting together on saturday night? why didn't they invite me? and when they didn't invite me why are they talking about it in front of me?!? don't they realize that is will probably hurt my feelings since i'm the only one in the room not invited? (if i'd actually want to go to any of these things or not- if i were invited- is a completely different issue, but still, this was the kind of the day where there grass just had to be much, much greener on the other side;) what's wrong with ME?
...maybe if my house was decorated more like their's? not so funky, artsy, eclectic, vintage modern (but i loooove my house!)? or what if i dressed more 'normal'? (but i don't know how! and i love my clothes!) maybe if i made them some bread or cookies or something (but i have before out of love, but to do it now would be like i was trying to buy friends and who wants to do that!?) 'but really, i've got to find a way to blend in more...'
oh boy...it was a slippery slope from there.
...i was feeling like a complete hypocrite because i've had the blessed opportunity on several occasions to get back into the motivational speaking circuit this year, speaking about this very thing: about embracing our weaknesses and our strengths, about being patient with ourselves, about simple, sustainable goal setting to help us become who we want to be. (in this moment, i was being/doing anything but that!!)
...i was feeling so so HUGE (even though i am in the best shape of my life). i started feeling down because no matter what i do i will never be a hundred pounds like all the girls i went to high school with (i cursed with a curvy athletic build!) and unlike them i do have stretch marks on 2/3 of my body from bearing children!
...this particular day i was also feeling like the world's worse homemaker, wife and mother. i was snappy/annoyed with my husband and kids (why would i act like this!?! they are my everything, my dream come true!!!) the laundry was piled waaaay too high, with the advent of new (and wonderful) activities of goodness filling our schedule, our household time management was out of equilibrium (important things like storytime with my babies were falling by the wayside), projects for this and that were piling up in every room in the house, and the list goes on. everything felt physically, spiritually, and emotionally out of balance and because of this, my patience with all of it was sadly running thin (i say 'sadly' because all of the normal, everyday life is what i have always dreamed of having. and now that i have been blessed with all of this and so much more, i was just whining and complaining, which just made me get even more down on myself!!)!!
...and to top it all off i was PMS (and we all know that's always a lovely thing...or not).
oh bother. i was allowing myself to be completely paralyzed by my insecurities, by blessed opportunities to create, share, and scatter beauty, by what i tell myself i should be, by how i tell myself i should feel, by such a blessed phase to really grow, spiritually, intellectually, emotionally. instead of harnessing all of these 'perfect opportunities...', i was allowing them to completely consume me to the point of fear, isolation, frustration, and a sense of pure failure (and drama! ah!).
when this would happen in junior high and high school, i thought i would definitely outgrow it by college. then college came and so too did that nagging meanie of 'funny' feelings about myself. surely this would cease to happen when i was a real 'adult'. well folks, i'm 29 and parading around like an adult, married with two kids, and i still allow this to happen?!!?
usually when i get in a funk, i allow the funk to keep me down for at least that day, sometimes even longer. i use it as a good (more like bad) excuse to binge on baked goods or chocolate, to wear my sweats all day, and not even shower. (please tell me i'm not the only one who has been there!!!)
but today, a miracle.
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A MIRACLE
(click to enlarge...one of my art journal pages from here)
in complete despair, i began to offer some rambling prayer out to god pleading for some clarity, healing, hope and understanding. within seconds, the voice of the universe spoke to me with a message that hit me so hard and shook me so powerfully, i was just about to the point of tears.
it was as if i heard a voice say,
"it's completely fine to feel overwhelmed right now, you're human.
see this as an opportunity to learn and grow instead as a moment of weakness and failure.
this is all a part of the mortal experience. embrace it. cherish it. revel in it.
it's beautiful chaos.
pick yourself up and move on...
you are a daughter of god who loves you and you love him.
you are a daughter of god who loves you and you love him.
you matter.
you are not forgotten.
you are meant to shine."
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wait...what just happened?
in a split second i could really go from being so low to being completely empowered (and without binging on chocolate;)? yes, absolutely yes, i could. i did! wow! (life has a way of bringing goodness into our lives, usually in a way we can't anticipate, when our hearts our open to it. when we seek that divine energy it has a way of finding us doesn't it?)
it got me thinking...
'hey it's true! who am i not to shine and on that same note who are they (at the time, i meant the ladies in my neighborhood to whom i often feel an outsider to) not to shine?'
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for the duration of that week, my mind (and heart) was filled with so much illumination and light. i stumbled upon many great readings and reminders that helped me to not only have a paradigm shift, but to see the world and my experiences within it from a different angle. i had clarity and understanding, as if that imaginary lightbulb above my head suddenly lit up. what a blessing!
it's not to say the cloud of self-doubt etc haven't snuck into my mind still, but it's that i am choosing to let my heart be the stronger one. i am choosing to feed the faith, in myself, in life, in god instead of feeding the fear, negativity, assumptions, and ridiculous expectations (that i place on myself, that others legitimately place on me, or sometimes that i tell myself others place on me).
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LIFE LESSONS
(click to enlarge...one of my illustrations featured on the cover of current issue of artful blogging mag)
here are a few things i learned and/or was reminded of during the week...
...it's time to let go of all the junk that weighs us down and allow ourselves to shine
let go of what we tell ourselves we must do before we are enough
let go of trying to be everything to everyone to make ourselves feel like we are enough
let go of trying to prove to others that we are worthy of love
let go of trying to prove to ourselves that we are worthy of love
let go of waiting for the perfect moment to extend love to someone else
...life (and others) gives us (and everyone who's ever existed) the opportunities our souls need to grow and expand. the opportunities come to us because of who we are, because of the talents we have, because of what we have to offer and because what we have to learn. not because we are supposed to try to be like anyone else or because we already know how to do it! (where would the growing opportunity be in that?)
...sometimes some people are truly, genuinely mean to us. (and sometimes, with or without knowing it, we are mean to others too!) sometimes we really don't fit in, but what a great opportunity to learn what it feels like to be an outsider and how to not do this to others. wonderful moments to cultivate empathy, strength, love, and understanding. i truly believe that those who are meant to be in our life will always find a way to be in it. and just because not everyone will always love us, it doesn't mean we aren't worthy to be loved, it doesn't mean we are not enough, and it doesn't mean that they are not worthy of our love anyway.
...i believe that really, we are all alone together. all in the same boat. true we have different gifts and talents, different weaknesses and strengths, different things that irk us and different things we do that irk others. we all have our own kinda of quirk, kitch, weirdness. that's what makes us all so individually amazing and beautiful. we are all human. we know what it is like to feel sad, to feel outside, to feel different and alone. we are all on the quest to find peace, joy and love and hopefully to make our little corner of the world a little bit more beautiful each day. our experience through our struggles and our victories combined is what makes us the people we are and the people we can become. and same thing applies to each and every being around us. though the vessels through which we experience all of life may be different, the feelings of human emotion are the same. variety is the spice of life. it is both our sameness but especially our differences that make the world go round.
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A CHALLENGE
here is my challenge for all of us...
...LOOK UP
here is a passage i read and have taken to heart. (although it is directed to 'young adults' it completely applies to us all, to plug in sentences are it pertains to you!)
'The world we live in today has all kinds of measurements—most of them external to us. I think such measurements can be especially harsh to young adults. You go to school and earn a grade, but that doesn’t necessarily take into account what else you experience in your other classes or your family or your life situation. Sometimes we’re judged by the way we look or by the car we drive. We might base our sense of self-worth on how many friends are writing on our wall on social networking sites. We worry about what others think about the person we’re dating or what people will think if we marry before finishing school. It’s easy to get caught up in trying to please others, but we can’t trust such external measurements; the world can be too quick both to praise and to criticize.
I think the challenge for all of us is to try not to look sideways to see how others are viewing our lives but to look up to see how [God] sees us [and within to see how we see ourselves]. He [and our true selves] doesn’t look on the outward appearance but on the heart. And He [and our hearts] knows, better than anyone else, what each one of us needs.'
...ALWAYS BE COMPASSIONATE AND PATIENT
(click on image below to enlarge and read)
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IN CLOSING
what a powerful life lesson/reminder i was given over that week. a gift from god and the universe about the light within us all. i am meant to shine. you are meant to shine. and that guy that flipped me off on the road for no reason is meant to shine, so is the grumpy cashier, and even those ladies in the neighborhood that appear to snub me...all meant to shine. they have their story, and i have mine. there is no reason we can't appreciate both, no matter how different.
be gentle with each other. celebrate the potential in everyone. look for that light within us all. cut each other some slack. allow one another limitless chances to truly shine. and equally more important (but infinitely more difficult at times) be gentle with yourself. celebrate your potential and dreams. accentuate that light within you. cut yourself some slack. and above all else, shine, baby shine...you aren't meant to do anything less.
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A CURRATED COLLEGE OF SORTS
(click on photo for source of the following little pretties)
(via intricaesimplecoloursandwords.tumblr.com)
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MISC
other related posts i thought you'd might like to peruse:
EMBRACE YOUR HUMANITY...(with freebie)
LET IT GO...(with freebie)
and some lines to some of my fave, related tuneage:
(i couldn't find the official video, sorry...this is my kids' fave song!)
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THE END!
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alisa is living her dream and true calling as a full-time mommy/wife and as a nap-time artist/designer. she spends he days schnoogling her babies, avoiding laundry, finding order in the chaos, enjoying the journey, and cultivating a creative life. to see/read more of alisa’s work/ramblings, please visit her at +myconcretesky, or here on facebook, or here on instagram.